Magic sentence....!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Read the sentence below carefully...

"I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications incomprehensibleness".

This is a sentence where the Nth word is N letters long.
e.g. 3rd word is 3 letters long, 8th word is 8 letters long and so on

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AS 36: Accounting for Girl Friends*  

*Objective:*

The objective of AS 36 is to prescribe the accounting treatment for Girl friends. The principal issues are the timing of recognition of a female friend as a girl friend, the no. of days the relationship can be carried on and any write down in this romantic relationship. It also provides guidance on the methods to be employed to make GF.

*Scope:*

This AS applies to all GF's except those whose father, brother, ex-boyfriends or prospective boyfriends are working in police, army, intelligence agencies or political organizations or 6+ feet tall, have muscular body and know karate, kung fu, judo or any other marshal art.

*Definitions: *

The following terms are used in this Standard with the meanings specified:

LOVE is a serious mental disease, mostly found in old Indian movies, dramas and Urdu literature.

FLIRTING is the modern form of love; this disease came from Hollywood movies, new Indian movies, internet, mobile phones, and contemporary literature.

MARRIAGE is a long term liability as a result of PAST events that is expected to be settled by increasing the population, decreasing the health and money.

GIRL FRIEND is a current asset as a result of past efforts that is probable to generate future dates, intangible pleasures and gifts. If not properly handled may become long-term liability i.e. wife.

BOYFRIEND-SPECIFIC VALUE is the present value of the future dates that a boyfriend expects to realize from continuing use of the GF over its useful life and from its disposal to his another friend at the end of the flirting term

FLIRTING TERM is the higher of the following:

-from your first conversation till the time the GF father catches you

-from the time of your first date till your GF get married with another person ,in which case she will become your ex-GF.

-from the time of your first date till you get married with your GF, afterward it will become a suffering term.


*RECOGNITION*


A girl shall be recognized as a girl friend if, and only if:

(a) it is probable that future physical benefits associated with the girlfriend will flow to the boyfriend,

(b) no possibility of GF becoming a long term liability (wife) exists and

(c) the expenditures to be incurred ( e.g. in respect of gifts, cards etc ) can be measured reliably

Female Cousins, younger sisters, and other female friends associated with the girlfriend should not be recognized. However, beautiful and bold ones should be declared in the flirting statement if and only if it is probable that they are expected to result in prospective girlfriends.

*MEASUREMENT OF USEFUL LIFE OF GF*

All the following factors shall be considered in determining the useful life of a GF:

(a) Expected "usage" of the girlfriend.

(b) Expected "physical" wear and tear, which depends on "operational" factors such as the number of "shifts" the GF is to be used.

(c) Technical or commercial obsolescence arising from changes in fashion or "service output" of the GF.

(d) "Legal" or similar limits on the "use" of the GF.

*DE-RECOGNITION*

The Girl Friend shall be derecognized:

1. at the end of the useful life of GF or flirting term whichever is earlier,

2. when no future benefits are expected from her or her disposal or

3. when remote possibility of GF becoming long term liability occurs.

*DISCLOSURE*

The flirting statement shall disclose, for each "class" of GF:

A) Total no. of GFs with:

‧ age of GF

‧ complexion, face cut

‧ the useful life of each GF

‧ email address, residential address and mobile no. of each GF

‧ any "special" benefits that may have been derived from the GF


B) A reliable estimate of the boy friend regarding no. of expected GFs for each class of GF.

C) A reliable estimate of the expenditures to be incurred ( e.g. in respect of gifts, cards etc) for each class of GF.

D) BOYFRIEND-SPECIFIC VALUE with respect to each class of GF.

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The Law of Survival  

Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger that looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nike.

His friend looked at him "Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?"

I don't have to run faster than that tiger, his friend replied. "I just have to run faster than you".

!!!Welcome to the corporate world!!!

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How do you eat your Masala Dosa?  

There are many ways to eat a masala dosa .What ever the way one eats; there is a very good reason for doing that. It shows some traits of the person that is you…

Case 1: People who open the masala dosa and eat it: These are the people who are very open about their life. Everyone one the persons friends would know all about him/her. I have generally seen guys do this rather than girls. Some people think that it is a gross way of eating but in truth, these people are just portraying who they are and how their life is.

Case 2: People who start from both end and approach the masala later: These are the people who like to wait for the exiting things to come to their life. Sadly when the times comes, they are not too interested or just do not know how to enjoy it to the fullest. These are the folks who just want life as either dry or exiting. They just do not know how to phase their life and enjoy it no matter what. There are two types of people within this group

Case 2.1: People who do not finish all the masala: These folks just do not care as much for the fun times as they are already brought down by the harsh reality of life. The dry periods in their life has left them with so much scars that they do not want to be really happy when the time is right. They just take only as much as they needed and end their life. A very sorry state indeed.

Case 2.2: People who finish all the masala with the little dosa they have: These are the folks who just are the extremes. They just go all out in life. No matter it is dark or bright. They may not enjoy life to the fullest but they sure make sure that they get every single good and bad thing out of life. Sometimes these folks are really hard to get along with. They are either your best friends or your worst enemies. They do not have a middle path at all.

Case 3: People who start from the middle and proceed to both ends: These are the people who like to get right to what they think is their best part of life. Usually these guys finish of the good portions in a hurry and get stuck with nothing but worst parts of their life. The thing to note among these people is that the tendency to burn out very early in their life. Like the above case, there are two kinds of people in this group too.

Case 3.1: People who do not finish the dosa: These folks are really the saddest of people. They are the ones who tend to end their life as soon as it hits the bad patch. For them, they only need and want the best things in life and nothing more. Typically, they are not prepared or tuned to life as a whole. They just want to enjoy from first till last. Sadly, no one in the world can live without even an ounce of sadness in life. Not even the richest of the richest. But to self destruct at the mere sign of distress is very bad. That is what these guys tend to do. Some learn to live life but most of them do not.

Case 3. 2 : People who do finish the dosa: These folks are the typical human beings. We all enjoy the greatest of times in life and push the sad parts thinking about the great times in life. Typically the plate is clean and nothing is left for fate or in life. Happiness and sadness are part of life and these guys know that and are kind of prepared for it. Life is not always happy but there are moments of happiness here and there.

Case 4: People who eat the dosa making sure that the masala lasts for the whole dosa: These people are very rare. These are the people who like to attain balance in their life. It is hard to displease these people and it is hard to make them really happy. They like their balance and are very protective of it. Sadly these are the people who tend to be lonely as anyone else may upset the balance of their system. Perfectionist to the core and are very careful. These guys do not make the best company but are needed in any group to make the group from going hay wire.

Case 5: People who do not share and eat the dosa as if it is precious: These folks are very protective about their life. They do not want anyone to come and interfere in their life. They like to hide their true nature and intensions for their benefit. Beware of such people as they are in every group for their own need and nothing else.

Case 6: People who offer their first bite to others: These guys are overly friendly. They do anything to be part of a group and make everyone feel like the group is important than the individuals. They are the glue that holds any group together. They are very friendly and bring the best of all the others in the group. They go out of their way to help other friends. Most groups should have a person like this and they are the ones who plan the group outings and other group activities. Once this person is out of the group, typically the group slowly falls apart.

Case 7: People who take one or two bites and then offer the dosa to others: These guys care about friends and friendship but they take their time to get into the group. They take their time in making friends and they typically are very committed once into the friendship. These guys like to always be in the side lines and typically do not jump into anything in life. They always take their time to analyze the situation and then make a decision. These guys take the better safe than sorry approach.

Case 8: People who wait for others to make the offer first: Typical people I must say. They are unsure about everything. Even if they wanted to offer, they will wait till the other person offers the food first. If the other person is silent, so are these people. They are the followers. They do terrific idea, they will pitch it to someone else and get their advice before proceeding. Sadly, most of the elderly world like these types of people.

Case 9: People who offer dosa only when they cannot finish it on their own: You all may be familiar with these kinds of people. People who are very generous only when all their needs are fulfilled. These folks are selfish but at the same time not misers or greedy. They just want to satisfy themselves before they give it to the world. They typically do not stuff themselves nor do they tend to starve. They are very good people who would give you the best of advices in life. They would make sure that you are not sad following their advice.

Case 10: People who offer the whole dosa and eat from others plates: These folks are other extreme. They know what they want, they get what they want but they cannot enjoy what they want. Instead they tend to settle for other things in life which satisfies the needs but does not satisfy the person completely. These guys are termed as born losers cause even when they have the thing they wanted, they can't stop others from stealing it from them.

So next time you sit with a person eating a masala dosa, look closely and see if he falls into one of the above categories. You may be surprised as how much it reveals about the person!!

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A letter from a Sardarni Mother to her son.  

Subject: A letter from a Sardarni Mother to her son.

My dear .................. Singh,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.

I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not
have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will
remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put
in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we
cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club.
We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him
and he burned for three days.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love - Mom.

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Veternary doctor.  

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said:

Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...

Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but litsen to my complaints first:

Doctor: OK. Tell me.

Man: I sleep vigilantly like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.

I get up in the morning like a horse

I go to work running like a deer

I work all the day like a donkey

I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.

I wag my tail in front of all my bosses

I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.

I am like a rabbit before my wife

Doctor: are you an engineer?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the begining itself that you are are an engineer. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.

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Some Rules that NEWTON forgot to mention...  

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

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Welcome to Air India  

WELCOME TO AIR INDIA ( hope you know this airline in India )

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen... .
This is your captain PATEL welcoming both seated and standing passengers to board on Air INDIA .
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off,it was due to bad weather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre .

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India .. And, if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing in your village!

Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us . I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our Passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve Complimentary water and Vada Pav. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television >However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to SAUDI Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the Cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible. For the best view , if however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt , kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat , do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess , who will explain how to fasten yoursedlf to your suitcase ,,,,

Thanking you for boarding

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Selected Sardar Jokes  

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
********************************

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
********************************

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the
indicator and asks the other to check whether
its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...

********************************

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
********************************

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
********************************

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
********************************

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